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WHY CARRA IS COOLER THAN ELVIS
Award-winning local comedian and Reds fanatic John Bishop talks perms, New Romantics and why his doppleganger Jamie Carragher is much cooler than Evel Knievel and Elvis Presley...
Who are yer?
At some point in everyone's life you want to look like one of your heroes. I don't mean super-heroes, every man and boy has wanted to look like Superman or Batman and every woman or little girl has wanted to look like WonderWoman (some men have wanted to look like WonderWoman and one night in a bar in Amsterdam one of them came very close to achieving it, but that is another story).
What I mean is the desire to look like people you admire, which is something that changes over time.
Between the ages of 7 and 11 I really wanted to look like Evil Kenevil or Elvis Presley. But by the time I started senior school I realised I didn't know what Evel Knievel looked like because he wore his crash helmet all the time, and that perhaps it wasn't so cool to look like someone who made his living being scraped off the floor. As for Elvis, he was dead by then but I had began to see that despite the hair, the kung-fu moves and the great songs, he was a fat bloke and no matter how big the icon, a fat bloke is not something you should aspire too as a child. So I dumped the idea of looking like men in jump suits and thought the best people to look like would be footballers.
This was the late seventies and early eighties. It was a terrible phase in the history of the British game and Liverpool as a club suffered more than most. Like many fans I would stand on the terrace and have the constant nagging thought that to be like my heroes on the pitch I would have to get a perm. Not a demi-wave or 'curling-tonges-flick' but a tight white mans afro. But as I was to later discover with WonderWoman in a bar in Amsterdam, there are some things I just can't make myself do, even if they are a good idea at the time.
The Bish and his LFC heroes
Like many fans I would stand on the terraces and have the constant nagging thought that to be like my heroes on the pitch I would have to get a perm. Not a demi-wave or 'curling-tonges-flick' but a tight white mans afro. But as I was to later discover with WonderWoman in a bar in Amsterdam, there are some things I just can't make myself do, even if they are a good idea at the time.
So I entered my late teens and early adulthood without anyone I thought I could look like. New Romantics where everywhere but I have never been comfortable with the idea of dressing like a pirate in make up, and so I entered fatherhood looking like everyone else; trainers, jeans or track suits and the same hair cut I have had since I was 14.
I was happy with this. I had kids that looked similar to me and I looked like my Dad and our Eddie and that was fine. Then I started doing stand up comedy (not something that was planned but something I fell into thankfully after my Elvis phase, I would hate to try and get away with it in a white jump suit!) and on occasion when I was working in Liverpool people would shout out the name of Jamie Carragher. At first I took no notice to this because it beat being called Bez from the Happy Mondays which seemed to happen in other cities.
Then a few years ago Liverpool started a comedy festival and Granada Reports wanted to have comedian to report on it rather than a reporter, so they asked me. It was a short slot interviewing a few people and telling everyone in the Granada region that they should come to Liverpool because we are dead funny, although I shudder to think what people in Ramsbottom made of it!
The piece was on for around 112 seconds (I know because my Mum recorded it and timed it!) and itwent out on a Wednesday night.
That weekend I was playing at the Baby Blue bar in the Albert dock. The way it was set up then was that comedy would run until 11 o'clock and then other punters could come in. It had a reputation for footballers coming in later in the night and so it was not unusual to see girls coming in after 11 looking like they live in Santa Barbara but who just arrived in a mini bus from Kirkby.
I was standing at the bar when a young lad came over with his girlfriend and asked for my autograph. This had never happened to me before, but then I had never been on Granada Reports before so I just assumed it was all part of my 112 seconds of fame. As a person I can never ask for an autograph, I just feel stupid doing it and so I wanted to get it right for my new fans and put them at ease.
"Of course I will...what do you want me to put?"
"Just to Peter and Ang please, and can we have a photo?"
"No problem Peter, mate."
The Bish on being Carra
There is a part of me that goes the games and sits there and thinks if I buy a kit with Carragher on the back, maybe, just maybe, I could get on for a half. So if one week he looks a bit heavy and slower than usual and has his name in sequins on the back, look a bit closer you never know...
The picture was taken, I borrowed a pen and on the back of a beer mat wrote 'To Peter and Ang all the best J...'
As it was my first I autograph hesitated in writing my name at the 'J' of 'John' and just checked if they wanted anything else.
"No, just Jamie Carragher will do."
That is when it hit me. My 112 seconds was only important in my Mum's house and these people thought I was someone else. If I turned around and said I was not Jamie Carragher then he would quite rightly say "What are you signing autographs for?" and responding by saying "I thought you had seen me on Granada Reports for 112 seconds" seemed a bit weak.
I just thought I had no choice but to be Jamie Carragher. So I wrote 'Jamie C...'.and it was then I realised I didn’t know how to spell Carragher!
I have since met Jamie a few times and I even met his brother Paul, and I can honestly say I look more like Jamie than Paul does. I also have a picture of him with my youngest son so if things go sour at home I know where to send the CSA!
But there is a part of me that goes the games and sits there and thinks if I buy a kit with Carragher on the back, maybe, just maybe, I could get on for a half. So if one week he looks a bit heavy and slower than usual and has his name in sequins on the back, look a bit closer you never know... |
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